Editing help?

Would anyone be so kind as to edit a medical school personal statement for me? I've had friends read it and all I get back is "it's choppy, but I don't know how to fix it". I need advice on how to make it flow a little better than it already does.

I will e-mail the essay to whomever is interested. Thanks to anyone who might reply.
Sorry about the delay, I had MCATs on Friday. The paper is only a page and a quarter (984 words). And as for med background, you don't have to have too much, but I would like it if you knew what admissions committees were looking for.

How many pages is it? Also how much medical background knowledge does one need to properly edit it?

Thank you!